The Instant Fix

Walking home from the gym the other day, after a hard workout, I found myself really, really needing my second cup of coffee of the day. Not wanting, needing. Being a born navel-gazer, this sent me off into the realm of wants versus needs. Then, onto the cognitive behavioral path. Did I really need this coffee or was my mind sending me false messages? Followed, of course, by the final thought of the moment—all this for a lousy cup of coffee!


Lately, this “wants versus needs” translated as “to buy or not to buy” has been a topic on the minds of many as the economy nosedives and fear takes over. Separating want from need is not always as easy as the coffee. For a long time, as we rode the bandwagon of good jobs and wages, there was little thought. Many, particularly those born after the baby boomers, just bought , with little regard to the cost, with the assumption that the good times would go on forever. We brought up our children, Generation Y, with the expectation that they were entitled to the good life with little sacrifice.


In the workplace, the culture clash between those whose grandparents had lived the Great Depression, and Generation Y, created some interesting scenarios. There is no right or wrong, just the difference in philosophy behind those who work hard, probably give too much to the job and save their money, versus youth who see balance as all important and the job as something that can be easily replaced and hence not to be given much respect.


We used all these material purchases to fulfill what has been defined as “retail therapy.” Buying would fill all our needs. Sad? Lonely? Anxious? Need a pick-me-up? Go shopping! It didn’t work, but we kept on trying. Shopping became our vehicle to express ourselves, to explore who we really are. For some, it tipped over into a shopping addiction, where it was no longer a choice, but a driving necessity. This cultural obsession with an instant fix feeds into other addiction problems as well.


Our culture continues to push the creed of consumerism--the way to happiness is though things. It isn’t. Studies have shown that, as our economy grew, our sense of individual and social well-being has dropped sharply. See “The High Price of Materialism” by Hugh Kasser. AA says it well: “One is too many and a thousand is never enough.”


The answers are similar to those themes well known in the field of addiction. There can be no true peace and satisfaction without developing internal strengths. The search needs to be inside us. You can call it spirituality, faith, a philosophy of life, or whatever. We all find it in our own way. Joy is in the small things around us every day that we miss because we are worrying about tomorrow.


This time of pulling back can be very valuable as research time into what is really important—what we truly need compared to what we think we want.

Watching the Mind - Working with Cravings

There is a hopeful new technique making the rounds of therapy recently. It is simple and easy to remember. It was originally formulated at the UCLA School of Medicine by Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz and colleagues for the treatment of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Dr. Gabor Maté, in his new book “In the Realm of the Hungry Ghost”, reports positive results with addictions using this approach, called by UCLA the”Four-Step Self Treatment Method.” It has good, solid theory behind it. Read Dr. Maté’s book for more.


There are four steps: re-label, re-attribute, re-focus, and re-value. Dr. Maté has added a fifth: re-create.


Re-label: Conscious awareness. See yourself as a spectator and watch your brain telling you that you need this substance or this activity. This is the step that takes practice, to break the cycle of immediately and unthinkingly complying with the order.


Re-attribute: “This is my brain sending me false messages. I don’t really need this. I may want it but I don’t need it” The brain doesn’t give up easily. The urges will continue, albeit with less intensity and less often as you work with the method.


Re-Focus: Cravings, like waves, do pass. Develop a list of distractions to get you through the next fifteen or twenty minutes. Exercise is good; crossword puzzles or Sudoku are handy; floors can always use a sweep or a vacuum—you get the idea. Whatever does not involve you in an addictive activity.


Re-value: Your brain has been telling you that this urge is the most important thing in the world. What has satisfying this urge done to your life? Be specific. Write it down and keep adding to it. Perhaps a small notebook you can carry with you. Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz says that the more thoroughly you examine the price you have paid, the more quickly the behavior will reduce. This is not about judging yourself. Be compassionate.


Re-create: As Dr. Maté puts it “Life, until now, has created you.” Now, take the time and thought to consider what values, what talents, what capabilities await you in your new life. Again, write about this, and take your time. Surprising things may result. Creativity may be what is missing. Dr. Maté has another great line in his book. (Actually, he has many great lines in the book, but this one resonated with me.) In many cases, substances and compulsive behaviors act to fill a great aching hole. Dr. Maté noted “A void I’ll do anything to avoid.”


This simple technique will need to be done many times, until it becomes as ingrained as the patterns of addiction were. Laughter helps.


The study of neurology has come a long way in the last few years. It is now clear that we can change some of the brain’s wiring by sheer persistence. That old cliché “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” is wrong. I hope to discuss some of the more recent, and exciting discoveries in more detail in future blogs.